The so called Techie

After what happened yesterday, I thought it was time to perform the final rites to my plans of becoming a techie, bid adieu to Bangalore, go back to my home town and do some vevasayam (agriculture). Don’t ask me how good I am at that.

As I was preparing the condolesence statement to this techie pal, I happened to stumble upon this article. Well, I am not the only one, and I still have a good chance. So I immediately dug up techie pal from his grave and gave it a new life.

If you are wondering what really happened yesterday, fasten your seatbelts, let’s travel back 24 hours.

Date: 26-4-05, 7pm
Place: Agent Pal’s room

That is Agent Pal at his desk peering into the monitor. No no, don’t mistake him, he’s not staring at a porn site, he’s actually searching for serial key for some software. Those flashy babes (dressed like babies) are just ads. Looks like he has found something. Now will you please take your eyes off that sexy model in her bikini and look at what Agent Pal is doing. Yes he has found the key and clicks the download button. Inspite of repeated warnings by Firefox, he has decided to run this file. How stupid of him to do that. So there it goes, “Infection complete. Please reboot the system now for the spyware to start functioning”.

Zoooooooooooom. Back to the present. This spyware has been a real pain in the ass since then, opening up new firefox windows while I am busy playing games or watching movies. (un)Fortunately it doesn’t open up any porn sites. It has opened up five browser windows while I am typing this post and there goes the sixth window.

So please excuse me while I try to fix up this guy.

So called techie,
Agent Pal

Google does it, Finally

Search for “kernel programming for dummies” on google and see who’s on top of the list.

Agent Pal congratulates Larry Page and the whole Google team for this amazing achievement and wishes them all the best for the future.

Cheers,
Agent Pal

iMacs Unlimited

The largest imac lab (outside apple) in the world. This lab has every model of imac released by apple so far.
























A huge collection of 150 imac minis.


The 30 inch apple monitor provides the remote desktop view of 50 machines at a time.

And here's the best part, the cube rotates to show the next set of 50 desktops. These Apple guys are really amazing.




Now guess where this imac lab is located in????

Just watched God Father Trilogy today, and got reminded of this dialogue from Don Corleone, "Keep your friends close. Put your enemies closer".

Hope that helps.

Cheers,
Agent Pal

IPOD Wars

After waging wars with the so called rogue states of Afghanistan and Iraq, the American army has now turned its attention towards its own state of California, the next rogue state. The man who has been fighting against terrorism since his age of 4, “Mr. Gosh I Blush” in his statement has said, “It has come to our notice that Apple Corp in California state has been secretly developing a weapon of mass destruction called IPOD which stands for International Pillows of Mass Destruction. So I hereby declare California as a rogue state”. When asked how Pillows are used for Mass Destruction, he replied back, “Yes I knew you would ask that. But you know these Apple guys always Think Different”.

The Chief of Apple Mr. Naukri Jobs was not available for comments. But our secret sources have revealed that the American officials have unearthed lot of deals made by Apple and are now looking for one vital piece of data, “Where is the missing piece in the Apple Logo?”

Mr. Gosh I Blush has ordered search parties to look into every rat hole in California to find the missing apple piece.

Promising his full support, Mr. Sony Player from London has blocked the entry of IPODs into England and has sent out search parties to look for the missing apple piece.

Meanwhile there has been a large scale transfer of a variant of IPODS called Black Video IPODS to a Company in Chennai. Reports reveal that the company has been training its employees to use them. The CSA (Central Story telling Agency) has come out with a fascinating story linking India and Apple. The story says that, the original name of the Indian PM is ‘Mac’ Mohan. The title ‘mac’ was awarded to him by Naukri Jobs for his pivotal role in making the imac, a product from Apple, a huge success.

Stay tuned for more recent developments on this issue.

Cheers,
Agent Pal

Disclaimer: All names and incidents in the above post are purely fictious and any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely concidental.

Quotable Quotes

Good Programmers do Ctrl C + Ctrl V. Great Programmers do Ctrl X + Ctrl V

Rome was not built in a day.
Windows was not built in a day, but Windows crashes everyday.

Why March???

During my school days, I remember watching the Military parade during Republic and Independence days. It was really amazing to see the soldiers marching in perfect unison. Also they used to do some tricks with the guns (not shooting but just throwing it and swinging it) in perfect co-ordination. I used to wonder how many hours of training would have gone in to put up this perfect show. Because in our school we used to practice for two weeks to put some sort of “Walk Past” during the sports day.

Today suddenly Agent Pal came up with this interesting question “Why do the soldiers need to march. The only place where their marching will be appreciated is in Rajghat. If the battalion does the same thing on the battle field, the enemy soldiers are going to have a good shooting practice. So why do they have to practice so hard to do a perfect march past?”

Well it really sounds a valid question. But what could be the reason…

1. Is it that the army men need to be kept busy all through the year. In a country like India where the PM flags off buses to Pakistan while the enemy is launching rockets from across the border the army really has nothing to do. Reports say that an astrologer had warned the PM to flag off atleast one bus to Pak each month or his post would be in danger. Some highly placed sources also indicate that the next bus is to be flagged from Port Blair!!!.

So is it that since the army is not involved in any battle and at the same time they need to be prepared for sudden attacks, march past practice is made compulsory to keep them busy and prepared.

But this argument would fail in the case of US where the army is always busy either shooting down or humping people in Iraq, Afghanistan and wherever people grow huge beards.

2. Agent Pal comes with an answer as well, “The soldiers need to act as one single unit in the battle field. A small mistake by an individual could risk the lives of the whole team. So to develop this team spirit among the individuals, the soldiers are trained to co-ordinate and march as one single unit.”

Sounds good, but there could be a better reason for this. Not sure…


Cheers,
Agent Pal

PS. Please don’t get offended by the criticism of Dr.Singh. I really admire him and his policies, but it is his policy towards Pak that doesn’t appeal to me.

American Idiocracy

The attack of Iraq by US has resulted in large scale destruction in Iraq. When asked if they had got any success in their search for the Weapons of Mass Destruction, a highly placed officer proudly replied that, “So far we have found Mass Destruction. Soon we will find the weapons also!!!”.

Good Luck to you Officer.

Cheers,
Agent Pal

Recursive Ads

Google posts its ad looking for System Administrators in Naukri.com website.



Naukri registers to Google Adsense and its ad is placed on google.com website.



How about this:
"A Google (AdSense) Ad on the Naukri.com website that contains a naukri.com ad which in turn has the Google Ad looking for system administrators"

Here's how it would look:




Now let us assume that I apply for Google through Naukri.com and get a job as System Administrator in Google :) Now Google would pay Naukri.com because I sent my resume through naukri.com. Naukri.com would then give some amount to Google because I reached naukri.com website through the link on Google Adsense and Google would again pay some amount to Naukri.com because I clicked on the Google Adsense ad placed on the naukri.com website. And of course Google will have to pay my salary also!!!

Oooh God!!! Look at all the confusion that occurs if a guy like me gets a job in Google. So to save the world from all this confusion, let us saftely assume that I don't get a job in Google :(

Moral of the Story:
Agent Pal is a totally naukriless person!!!


Cheers,
Google Pal....Oops...Sorry
Agent Pal

Google Goof Up!!!

Agent Pal couldn't find any algorithm to relate these two stories - "Sharon's Surgery" and "S-African detective on killing spree". 

Time to have a look at your algorithms Mr.Larry Page.

And no this is not a April Fool Hoax like Google Romance. This screenshot was captured two days after April 1.

Poll Results

Results of the Last Poll at Agent Pal's Polling Centre. Thanks for your votes and do keep polling...