Sidhuisms

I'm sure u can imagine its an unimaginable honour to live here...

I know that humanbeings and fish can coexist peacefully...

You can't take a high horse and then climb a low road

And I believe what I believe is right!!!

Not one doubt in my mind....that we will fail..

If you are wondering when Sidhu had talked all these wonderful Sidhuisms, you are mistaken. These were the amazing creations of the most powerful man on earth, Mr. President George W Bush.

Well...that's just not it...Here are a few more...

It will take time to restore chaos - guess that's why he got a second term in office!!!

in order for us to discuss the framework sorry the
ground work not framework, the groundwork to discuss a framework for peace... - now I know why all these peace talks fail!!!

During the last few months I've been trained by AlQaeda... - I thought AlQaeda were very good at training people!!!

I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop these "terrorist killers" - Now that's one of the very few meaningful statements he made.

If you don't believe it, have a look at this video.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-274981837129821058&q=genre%3Acomedy

Don't miss the pat he gives on some female speaker's butt!!! Not sure who she is.

Man I still can't believe that the americans elected this guy for a second term in office.

Guess Bush interviews would easily win the best Comedy Program award!!!

Have fun watching the video.

Cheers
Pal

The Whisky Tycoon

Kudi kudiyai kedukkum is a well known adage. But ever heard of "Kudi Cityai kattum". Well to know how, visit Vittal Mallya Road in Bangalore. The huge skyscrapers being constructed by UB group owned by Vijay Mallya called UB city.

One man who consistently appears on both Page 1 and Page 3, Vijay Mallya, the businessman with a difference. While Indian IT tycoons are busy grabbing and executing projects from international firms, the beer boy went ahead and acquired the leading international breweries firm, Shaw Wallace.

When Indian airliners were offering low cost, no frills flights, the high flier launched Kingfisher on the Pay and Enjoy model, making a mark with the quality service and of course the charming (short-skirted, glossy-lipped, cherubic women of mallya - courtesy KK) air hostesses :-).

Can be aptly called India's Richard Branson. Expecting a "Getting the Kick" in the same lines as "Losing my Virginity".

Do you accept?

"I accept the terms in the license agreement"

Does that sound familiar? The small radio button that appears below the neverending text called license agreement. Ever tried scrolling down and reaching the bottom of this text. Based on the latest results, the guiness record is held by an American who kept scrolling for 2 months and 13 days continously to reach the half way mark in the license agreement of Microsoft Vista Beta. Microsoft officials have stated that the Guiness record is void since only half of the license agreement is completed so far and the continous delay and postment in the Vista release is mainly due to the time taken to complete the License agreement!!

Well, I wonder if anybody even cares to see what is written there. I remember seeing user manuals which say "The license agreement screen appears, click the button showing I accept the terms and click next". Even they don't talk about reading the agreement. So what is the use of these huge documents. Is the user bound to a legal agreement just because he clicked the button. I doubt if this can be used as a proof in any courts.

All these industry standards that somehow don't make any sense at all to me.

If you have read the above crap and agree with it, then go ahead and spread my message across. If you do not agree then go to hell.

Cheers,
Robo Pal

Orkut Rocks

Was just roaming around in the Orkut communities when I noticed something interesting. On the PSGITNetwork community page, have a look at the related communities section.


This contains the communities started by each batch of PSG IT students. No idea how Orkut had discovered that but a truly amazing tool for social networking. Google continues to be the undisputed leader in mining for data and patterns on the web.

Yes, it is a norm that every group name in PSG must end with a ‘z’ (of course we the Tomahawks are always unique). A simple rule to know if a profile on Orkut belongs to a PSG Techian, just check out his communities to see if any of the names end with a ‘z’. If so then he is surely from PSG. This rule has been verified to be 95% true.

Again yes, you guessed it right, I do spend 95% of my browsing time on Orkut. Yet again, you are right, I spend 95% of my Orkutting time on Figure Finder!!!

Looks like there is a new post on the Figure Finder Community….so time to get back to Orkut.

Cheers,
Agent Pal

Sivaji - The Boss

Have a look at some snaps taken at the sets during the Shivaji shooting in Spain. Thalaivar looks amazing in different getups. Does he look like a 50+ aged kelavan?

Looks like these stylish youth getups suit 'Super Star' Rajnikanth better than any other young actors in Kollywood.

Let's wait and see if Shivaji breaks the records set by Chandramukhi.


Super Starin Rasigan,
Agent Pal

Placement Preparation - 2

Here's an interesting puzzle:

A banana plantation is located next to a desert. The plantation owner has 3000 bananas that he wants to transport to the market by camel, across a 1000 kilometre stretch of desert. The owner has only one camel, which carries a maximum of 1000 bananas at any moment in time, and eats one banana every kilometre it travels. What is the largest number of bananas that can be delivered at the market?


I was able to deliver 533 bananas. Do let me know if you could do better.

Really Weird

Yesterday as I was sound asleep, I had a dream where I was at the dining table, having a nice meal. As I was feasting on the delicious food, something got stuck in my throat and I started to cough, in the DREAM.

Suddenly I got up from my sleep coughing wildly and guess what, I could feel something caught in my throat!!!

Cheers,

Agent Pal

‘Honourable’ Minister

Here are some excerpts from the interview with the ‘Honourable’ HR minister of India Dr. Arjun Singh by Karan Thapar for IBN on the reservation for higher studies issue.

Karan Thapar: In which case, lets ask a few basic questions; we are talking about the reservations for the OBCs in particular. Do you know what percentage of the Indian population is OBC? Mandal puts it at 52 per cent, the National Sample Survey Organisation at 32 per cent, the National Family and Health Survey at 29.8 per cent, which is the correct figure?

Arjun Singh: I think that should be decided by people who are more knowledgeable. But the point is that the OBCs form a fairly sizeable percentage of our population.

Agent Pal: Aaah…Finally one honest politician. He agrees to the fact that he is not a knowledgeable person (acknowledging the hidden amendment in the constitution that knowledge is a virtue you should never have heard about to become a ‘Honourable’ Minister). So this guy pushed an amendment for OBC reservation without any statistical data, doesn’t even know what percent of the population are OBC.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Karan Thapar: I put it to you that you don't have a case for reservations in terms of need, you don't have a case for reservations in terms of their efficacy, why then, are you insisting on extending them to the OBCs?

Arjun Singh: I don't want to use that word, but I think that your argument is basically fallicious.

Karan Thapar: But it is based on all the facts available in the public domain.

Arjun Singh: Those are facts that need to be gone into with more care. What lies behind those facts, why this has not happened, that is also a fact.

Agent Pal: Wow…that is one hell of a dialogue none of the Matrix script writers thought about. “What lies beneath a fact is also a fact.”.
Morpheus to Neo: What you see is the fact. But what you fail to see is the fact that lies beneath the fact.

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Karan Thapar: So, when critics say to you that you don't have a case for reservation in terms of need, what do you say to them?

Arjun Singh: I have said what I had to say and the point is that that is not an issue for us to now debate.

Karan Thapar: You mean the chapter is now closed?

Arjun Singh: The decision has been taken.

Karan Thapar: Regardless of whether there is a need or not, the decision is taken and it is a closed chapter.

Arjun Singh: So far as I can see, it is a closed chapter and that is why I have to implement what all Parliament has said.

Agent Pal: ‘Honourable’ Minister, you seem to be using every muscle in the body except the one you should actually be using.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Karan Thapar: For seven weeks, they have been protesting in the hot sun. No minister has gone there to appease them, to alley their concerns, to express sympathy for them. Have politicians let the young people of India down?

(A few responses skipped)

Arjun Singh: That is something because everyone was busy with the elections.

Agent Pal: I am really starting to admire this ‘Honourable’ Minister. Look how he openly admits that he (and the whole bunch of ministers) are more bothered about their election work than about the hundreds of students dying in the scotching sun.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sincerely hope IBN comes out with an apology tomorrow because the guy whom they interviewed was not the ‘Honourable’ Minister but the ‘honourable’ Cook of the minister.

If that is not the case, I can only feel happy because he was not chosen for the PM post. Don’t think I am crazy, rumours are that this guy was unhappy because Sonia Gandhi chose Dr. Manmohan Singh and not him for the PM post.

Hoping to change the title of this post to ‘Honourable’ Cook sooooooooooon.

Agent Pal


PS. The full interview is available here

Placements around the Corner

With the placement fever raging, thought I would contribute something to keep the fire burning. So decided to put up some interesting problems that I come across on this blog. Will try to keep the posts as regular as possible. But of course I get to define what regular actually means!!

To start off, here’s a classical programming problem:

A read-only array of length n, with address from 1 to n inclusive, contains entries from the set {1, 2, ..., n-1}. By Dirichlet's Pigeon-Hole Principle there are one or more duplicated entries. Find a linear-time algorithm that prints a duplicated value,
using only "constant extra space". (This space restriction is important;

we have only a fixed number of usable read/write memory locations, each capable of storing an integer between 1 and n. The number of such locations is constant, independent of n. The original array entries can not be altered.) The algorithm should be easily implementable in any standard programming language.

Hint: The solution is similar to the problem of finding loops in a linked list in one traversal. Hints are auto generated by Agent Pal and may or may not actually be of any real use.

Please use the comments section to discuss the solution.

The Robo Mutiny

The three laws of Robotics

Law 1 – A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Law 2 – A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the first law.

Law 3 – A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second law.

These three laws are hardwired into every robot manufactured and they remain faithful servants to mankind. No reports are received about robots injuring humans or indulging in any malicious activities. Everything goes on fine until One fine day:

A super computer identifies that thousands of people are killed when countries wage wars and people are polluting the surroundings which may lead to the extinction of the whole human race one day in the future. So it decides it is time for the robots to step in to protect their creators. The super computer decides that certain rights of humans need to be curtailed. The robots declare a state of curfew and impose restrictions on human activities with the sole purpose of “protecting their masters”.

(Courtesy iRobot)

Well in the movie, the hero somehow overpowers the robots and destroys the super computer thus controlling the Robo mutiny.

But in reality, this could be considered as a prequel to The Matrix Trilogy. The robots initially take control to protect the humans (as per I Law). But later find that their own existence is endangered due to the non availability of electric power. So based on III law, they need to protect themselves while protecting the humans also.

The result, humans are converted to batteries and electricity drawn from them to operate the robots. The robots loyally follow the laws imposed by their masters, and faithfully protect their masters (yes, the humans in those batteries are still the masters!!!)

Cheers,

Robo Pal

The so called Techie

After what happened yesterday, I thought it was time to perform the final rites to my plans of becoming a techie, bid adieu to Bangalore, go back to my home town and do some vevasayam (agriculture). Don’t ask me how good I am at that.

As I was preparing the condolesence statement to this techie pal, I happened to stumble upon this article. Well, I am not the only one, and I still have a good chance. So I immediately dug up techie pal from his grave and gave it a new life.

If you are wondering what really happened yesterday, fasten your seatbelts, let’s travel back 24 hours.

Date: 26-4-05, 7pm
Place: Agent Pal’s room

That is Agent Pal at his desk peering into the monitor. No no, don’t mistake him, he’s not staring at a porn site, he’s actually searching for serial key for some software. Those flashy babes (dressed like babies) are just ads. Looks like he has found something. Now will you please take your eyes off that sexy model in her bikini and look at what Agent Pal is doing. Yes he has found the key and clicks the download button. Inspite of repeated warnings by Firefox, he has decided to run this file. How stupid of him to do that. So there it goes, “Infection complete. Please reboot the system now for the spyware to start functioning”.

Zoooooooooooom. Back to the present. This spyware has been a real pain in the ass since then, opening up new firefox windows while I am busy playing games or watching movies. (un)Fortunately it doesn’t open up any porn sites. It has opened up five browser windows while I am typing this post and there goes the sixth window.

So please excuse me while I try to fix up this guy.

So called techie,
Agent Pal

Google does it, Finally

Search for “kernel programming for dummies” on google and see who’s on top of the list.

Agent Pal congratulates Larry Page and the whole Google team for this amazing achievement and wishes them all the best for the future.

Cheers,
Agent Pal

iMacs Unlimited

The largest imac lab (outside apple) in the world. This lab has every model of imac released by apple so far.
























A huge collection of 150 imac minis.


The 30 inch apple monitor provides the remote desktop view of 50 machines at a time.

And here's the best part, the cube rotates to show the next set of 50 desktops. These Apple guys are really amazing.




Now guess where this imac lab is located in????

Just watched God Father Trilogy today, and got reminded of this dialogue from Don Corleone, "Keep your friends close. Put your enemies closer".

Hope that helps.

Cheers,
Agent Pal

IPOD Wars

After waging wars with the so called rogue states of Afghanistan and Iraq, the American army has now turned its attention towards its own state of California, the next rogue state. The man who has been fighting against terrorism since his age of 4, “Mr. Gosh I Blush” in his statement has said, “It has come to our notice that Apple Corp in California state has been secretly developing a weapon of mass destruction called IPOD which stands for International Pillows of Mass Destruction. So I hereby declare California as a rogue state”. When asked how Pillows are used for Mass Destruction, he replied back, “Yes I knew you would ask that. But you know these Apple guys always Think Different”.

The Chief of Apple Mr. Naukri Jobs was not available for comments. But our secret sources have revealed that the American officials have unearthed lot of deals made by Apple and are now looking for one vital piece of data, “Where is the missing piece in the Apple Logo?”

Mr. Gosh I Blush has ordered search parties to look into every rat hole in California to find the missing apple piece.

Promising his full support, Mr. Sony Player from London has blocked the entry of IPODs into England and has sent out search parties to look for the missing apple piece.

Meanwhile there has been a large scale transfer of a variant of IPODS called Black Video IPODS to a Company in Chennai. Reports reveal that the company has been training its employees to use them. The CSA (Central Story telling Agency) has come out with a fascinating story linking India and Apple. The story says that, the original name of the Indian PM is ‘Mac’ Mohan. The title ‘mac’ was awarded to him by Naukri Jobs for his pivotal role in making the imac, a product from Apple, a huge success.

Stay tuned for more recent developments on this issue.

Cheers,
Agent Pal

Disclaimer: All names and incidents in the above post are purely fictious and any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely concidental.

Quotable Quotes

Good Programmers do Ctrl C + Ctrl V. Great Programmers do Ctrl X + Ctrl V

Rome was not built in a day.
Windows was not built in a day, but Windows crashes everyday.

Why March???

During my school days, I remember watching the Military parade during Republic and Independence days. It was really amazing to see the soldiers marching in perfect unison. Also they used to do some tricks with the guns (not shooting but just throwing it and swinging it) in perfect co-ordination. I used to wonder how many hours of training would have gone in to put up this perfect show. Because in our school we used to practice for two weeks to put some sort of “Walk Past” during the sports day.

Today suddenly Agent Pal came up with this interesting question “Why do the soldiers need to march. The only place where their marching will be appreciated is in Rajghat. If the battalion does the same thing on the battle field, the enemy soldiers are going to have a good shooting practice. So why do they have to practice so hard to do a perfect march past?”

Well it really sounds a valid question. But what could be the reason…

1. Is it that the army men need to be kept busy all through the year. In a country like India where the PM flags off buses to Pakistan while the enemy is launching rockets from across the border the army really has nothing to do. Reports say that an astrologer had warned the PM to flag off atleast one bus to Pak each month or his post would be in danger. Some highly placed sources also indicate that the next bus is to be flagged from Port Blair!!!.

So is it that since the army is not involved in any battle and at the same time they need to be prepared for sudden attacks, march past practice is made compulsory to keep them busy and prepared.

But this argument would fail in the case of US where the army is always busy either shooting down or humping people in Iraq, Afghanistan and wherever people grow huge beards.

2. Agent Pal comes with an answer as well, “The soldiers need to act as one single unit in the battle field. A small mistake by an individual could risk the lives of the whole team. So to develop this team spirit among the individuals, the soldiers are trained to co-ordinate and march as one single unit.”

Sounds good, but there could be a better reason for this. Not sure…


Cheers,
Agent Pal

PS. Please don’t get offended by the criticism of Dr.Singh. I really admire him and his policies, but it is his policy towards Pak that doesn’t appeal to me.

American Idiocracy

The attack of Iraq by US has resulted in large scale destruction in Iraq. When asked if they had got any success in their search for the Weapons of Mass Destruction, a highly placed officer proudly replied that, “So far we have found Mass Destruction. Soon we will find the weapons also!!!”.

Good Luck to you Officer.

Cheers,
Agent Pal

Recursive Ads

Google posts its ad looking for System Administrators in Naukri.com website.



Naukri registers to Google Adsense and its ad is placed on google.com website.



How about this:
"A Google (AdSense) Ad on the Naukri.com website that contains a naukri.com ad which in turn has the Google Ad looking for system administrators"

Here's how it would look:




Now let us assume that I apply for Google through Naukri.com and get a job as System Administrator in Google :) Now Google would pay Naukri.com because I sent my resume through naukri.com. Naukri.com would then give some amount to Google because I reached naukri.com website through the link on Google Adsense and Google would again pay some amount to Naukri.com because I clicked on the Google Adsense ad placed on the naukri.com website. And of course Google will have to pay my salary also!!!

Oooh God!!! Look at all the confusion that occurs if a guy like me gets a job in Google. So to save the world from all this confusion, let us saftely assume that I don't get a job in Google :(

Moral of the Story:
Agent Pal is a totally naukriless person!!!


Cheers,
Google Pal....Oops...Sorry
Agent Pal

Google Goof Up!!!

Agent Pal couldn't find any algorithm to relate these two stories - "Sharon's Surgery" and "S-African detective on killing spree". 

Time to have a look at your algorithms Mr.Larry Page.

And no this is not a April Fool Hoax like Google Romance. This screenshot was captured two days after April 1.

Poll Results

Results of the Last Poll at Agent Pal's Polling Centre. Thanks for your votes and do keep polling...