Linux Kernel Programming for Dummies

Some simple steps to make yourself a true Linux Kernel Programmer.

1. Work only in windows when no one is around. When somebody enters in, immediately open the command prompt and type
Grep –asdfg “My Computer”
Grep – Bad command or file name
Have an annoyed expression and say, “No grep command!!! Windows Sucks. I better switch to Linux” and reboot in linux.

2. As linux boots up, read whatever flashes on the screen and frame sentences by adding some jargon like runlevel, init.d, daemon etc.
“Have you ever seen the apache daemon? Its really scary…”
“aahhh…Why is this loopback interface driver loading at this runlevel…I better reconfigure the init.d”

3. Learn all the shortcuts in vi. You can proclaim yourself to be a linux guru if you know how to copy and paste using vi.

4. Any program that you write should have atleast 10 # includes, even if it is a two line “Hello World” program.

5. Whenever you write any program, dedicate your little finger to keep pressing the caps lock at regular intervals. THIS will MAKE sure THAT your code HAS an equal DISTRIBUTION of caps AND SMALL letters. Be very lavish in using the _ symbol WHEREVER __POSSIBLE.

6. If someone troubles you by peeping too much into your screen or asking too many questions, just start compiling the kernel. Catch him off guard by asking him
“Hey is this processor IA412 architecture or AIR DECCAN 345 architecture?”
Chances are that he will leave immediately.

7. If he still refuses to leave you alone, just open any kernel source code file (Important: In read Only Mode), and start practicing some typing lessons. Expert programmers can write just 1s and 0s (Machine Language eh…)

8. Whenever the system becomes slow or doesn’t respond properly, gently pat the monitor and say “Don’t panic my dear kernel….Mein Hoon Na!!!”.

Any additions to the above list can be posted as comments and will be updated.

Cheers,
Agent Pal